“A hater is just a fan in denial.” If you have haters, you have a secret fan club. It seems like everyone has “haters” these days. The popular catch phrase is generally used to describe a person who harbors ill will towards another person in the form of public criticism. But how can you determine who is providing you valuable feedback verse who is being overly critical will ill intent?
Constructive Criticism or Destructive Hating
Haters do not have a vested interest in your success.
People who have invested in you in some form or fashion genuinely want you to succeed. They have done something tangible like donating time, money and/or resources to your ventures and you don’t have to wonder if they support you. They are at the top of your mind when you think of people you can count on.
You should welcome feedback from these people; even when it is unsolicited. Learning to accept constructive criticism from your audience is a part of growth. If you allow yourself to receive it from this audience, you just may be surprised at how much you can improve.
Haters on the other hand have not and will never support you but look for the first opportunity to disagree, put you down or offer negative advice. For example, let’s say that you aspire to have a catering business. Throughout the years, you can count on two hands the number of people who have consistently supported you through placing orders or attending events where your food is featured. Let’s refer to these people as “Group A”. They “like” your professional page on facebook and support you year round. On the other hand, you have “Group “B”, or the haters, who electively follow your professional page but never comment, share or “like” any of your creations nor have they ever purchased anything or made a referral.
One afternoon, you share on social media that you secured a catering gig with a local business. Group A may be likely to say congratulations or share your post. Group B will read it and ignore it or even go as far as to say something negative about the organization you are catering for to minimize your accomplishment. They may even be as bold to comment something negative on your catering photos.
Once you place people in the correct Group, you will learn whose input to value and whose input to ignore. Remember, always consider the source of any feedback and if you don’t value the source, you shouldn’t value the feedback.
Haters never applaud good deeds or positive attributes.
Not everyone is going to like you. Once you accept that, you will be okay with rejection or criticisms. Haters will elect to follow your every move waiting for a misstep to happen but they are never to be found when you do something commendable. You don’t do good deeds for approval so stop seeking approval from those Group B types. Stop acknowledging them through passive aggressive behavior. When you give attention to these types, you validate their worth in your life. If someone is in your life and you can’t think of the last positive or nice thing they have said or done for you, you may need to re-evaluate their placement in your life.
There’s a certain popular celebrity that I absolutely can’t stand. I refuse to watch her family’s reality show or support her various product lines. Despite my disdain for this celebrity, I can look at a photo of her and say “Wow, she looks great” or “That’s a beautiful outfit” without sacrificing my distaste. A hater will never be able to direct a compliment or kind word your way because they elect to only see negative things about you. Haters will look hard to expose your flaws without realizing their own.And let’s face it…at the end of the day, my opinion of this celebrity does not affect her life in any way so my opinion truly does not matter.
Haters themselves generally aren’t successful.
The truth of the matter is successful types generally don’t have or make the time to sit around and worry about what other people are doing. They are overly critical of other people yet they don’t have things in their life worthy of judging. A hater will criticize an author’s new book yet they can’t write a paragraph. They will condemn a fashion designer’s new line but can’t coordinate an outfit to save their lives. Be leery of people who spend their time being critical or negative all the time because it clearly demonstrates the lack of success in their own lives.
Haters often remain anonymous.
Sometimes I read the comments on a social media post and am horrified. People who have hidden profiles spew the meanest things to other people. They use racial slurs or hurtful words fueled by keyboard courage. If someone doesn’t have the courage to say something publicly, they don’t deserve your hurt or anger. True feedback is said openly and honestly.
Haters have a strong disdain for you.
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who hates peaches.”So for the people who hate peaches….does that make you less ripe? Not at all. You stay cobbler ready. Focus on the people who love peaches. You cannot change someone’s disdain for you so why bother? In fact, if you have haters, that means people are watching and talking about you which translates that you are doing something worthy.
Criticism and feedback is an essential part of life. At work, we are evaluated by our performance and if done correctly, we are giving feedback and suggestions for personal improvement. Be open to the opinions and feedback from others. Just be sure to remember that feedback is only as valuable as the person giving it.